Tony breathes in deeply, and after exhaling, voice a quiet rumble: "How would you see this going? If we tried ... this." He motions an unsteady hand between them. "Us. The whole shebang, not just play." He meets Steve's eyes; and if the counter and workers were not at his back, he'd never break himself open like this. For just Steve, though, he allows the vulnerability to show in those round, dark eyes and that relaxed mouth -- his fear, and his tentative hope.
Steve's heart skips a couple of beats like an overexcited teenager (actually, that happened a lot when he was a teenager, but for purely medical reasons), and he just sort of stares at Tony in disbelief. "I- I don't know," he stammers. "I don't exactly have a whole lot of experience with these things, Tony." He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Can't say I wouldn't make mistakes, you know? But-" he lowers his voice a little, leans in closer. "I wouldn't want to hurt you. And I'm not always good with emotional things, but...I think trusting each other goes a long way, probably." Hopefully. His own tension shows in the way he huddles in on himself a little and shifts nervously: Steve's body language gets a lot smaller when he's uncomfortable.
Tony nods slowly, the little wrinkle between his eyebrows that designates deeper thought forming. He can create a detailed list of why a romance between him and Steve would end poorly, but with the static of sleep deprivation, Tony struggles to discern any sense from it; and as the past thirty minutes have proven, something being a bad idea doesn't stop Steve. Tony's personal track record showcases a plethora of checkmarked bad ideas all on its own.
On the flip side, Tony thinks of the folded jeans in his bedroom, the seamless efficiency of their battle prowess as the Captain and his second-in-command Iron Man; and most importantly, Steve barreling ahead into territory unknown, footing uncertain, with nothing but grit and a desire to help. Steve Rogers, confronting the future barehanded, and not giving an inch. With all his plans and expectations dashed, Tony decides to follow Steve's lead.
While Steve shrunk into himself, here some of Tony's tension releases and allows him to unspool. "We should try. Not yet! I'm... I'm not ready yet," he admits haltingly, voice lowered for privacy. Beyond them, in the world outside, the door chimes and food sizzles. "Not for anything serious. I dunno when I will be. And I know it's a tall order, especially for you, but if you'd be willing to wait..." He gifts Steve a weak smile and waves a single finger at him. "You'd be the first to know when I am. Ready, that is. When I'm..." His eyes grow distant and sad: Pepper, once a constant. "When I'm ready."
Steve has to take a few moments to mull Tony's words over, and in that time, the food arrives, plates unloaded between them. His own meal - stuffed meatloaf with more sides than is strictly necessary - takes up an alarming amount of table space, and Tony has his veggie wrap and surprise cheeseburger (with fries, because Steve's just a little extra sometimes). He musters a normal-looking smile and a thank you for the waitress, who bustles off to take care of the new people in the restaurant, and for once in his life, Steve Rogers ignores food that's set down in front of him.
"I know you're not ready," he says finally, haltingly. "I don't think I'd want it if you offered right now." Because if Tony did that, tried to plaster over the cracks in his life, he'd just be shoving Steve in as a replacement for Pepper, and that's not what any of them deserve. Before the serum, he'd never been good enough for anyone, and he still wouldn't have settled for second best - not because it's unfair to him, but because his potential partner deserves better. And now, well, he knows that Tony needs to appreciate him for who he is, not use him to prop himself up in Pepper's place. He's not Pepper, and he can't fill that hole, no matter how he tries, no matter how much both of them would want him to. But once Tony has some time to reconfigure himself, once he can accept Steve for who he is? Yeah, he's willing to wait for that. He might be impetuous, but deep down, there's a part of him that can wait if he needs to; he'd waited years for Peggy, after all. It's a patience born of the determination that kept him fighting though his childhood - not physical fighting, but the fight to stay alive.
"But I can wait," he adds with a shy smile, looking for all the world like a lovestruck teenager. Ever since that first tentative session, sketching Tony while he posed on the bed, Steve's had a bone-deep certainty that this - whatever complicated thing this has been at times, whatever messy thing it turns out to be - is the right thing to do, that it's what they both need. It's not just a physical attraction; Tony makes his heart ache sometimes, from those little glimpses he gets into the sheer depth of his loneliness, his anxiety, the workings of his mind. Steve wants to be there for him, to do what he can to make things right, to give him what he needs. (And, yeah, there's selfish motives of his own, too; he can't deny that they exist.) "I will wait, I mean. Till you're ready."
When Madison appears, Tony turns his head away and hides his face in his shoulder. He flips open his shades and slides them on before he turns back: they're another form of armor, a defense mechanism. Immediately he hones in on that cheeseburger, nothing the lack of turkey sandwich. Even behind the orange sunglasses Steve can see that little disapproving squint of his. "Good," Tony responds, curt but sincere, still staring at the burger. He straightens. "I mean I can still think of at least a dozen reasons why we'd be a bad idea, that," he stabs a finger at the burger, "being just one of them, but ... good."
With a passing glance at Steve, Tony drags the basket of fries closer and pops a full one into his mouth. He leans an elbow onto the table as he chews. If Steve knows him at all, he won't say a word about it.
"You can have a turkey sandwich back at the compound. Get some real food if you're at a restaurant." When Steve had first woken up in the twenty-first century, restaurants were still a treat for him; now they're standard fare, but something in him still insists that they're for ordering food you won't make yourself, or otherwise indulging. "And if you feel bloated later, you can complain all you want."
He almost thinks about stealing a fry, despite his own excess of food, but settles for digging into his own potatoes instead. "And you've still got the wrap," he adds. "That's perfectly healthy." Steve's never understood the appeal of wraps, but the twenty-first century is weird like that.
"You do know I've undergone one open-heart surgery already, right? Well. Intentionally," Tony reminds him, but pulls the plated burger closer with the fries, anyway, a dragon hoarding his gold.
"I had no idea," Steve replies dryly. But he assumes Tony's going to eat at least part of the burger, judging by his reaction to it. "Not like you couldn't build yourself a mechanical heart if you really had to." Although the heart isn't the problem, it's the arteries full of cholesterol. Steve comes from a time when fat was an essential part of a balanced diet, so you'll have to forgive him if he's a little flippant about health factors he doesn't even have to worry about.
Tony whistles lowly, the veggie wrap held in both hands. "I know a team of medical professionals who would be very disgruntled with you right now," he says. He bites a generous chunk off.
"I'm not telling you to eat french fries all the time." He at least knows that fried food is bad for you, so that's a plus. "Just that you have the money to pay those medical professionals to do whatever they need to." And, yes, the idea is to keep his own body healthy and running, Steve's aware of that. He's also spent enough time in a broken-down body to admit that, if given the chance, he would fix things in a heartbeat.
"Which is to advise me on the best preventive care possible," Tony counters, waving the wrap at him. This is all a moot point, anyway, given that he's hoarded the burger and fries.
"If you're so concerned about that, maybe you could hit the gym a little more," Steve suggests innocently. Not that he's suggesting that Tony's out of shape, he's just not as in shape as he could be. "Go jogging every now and then. It's not all about food, after all."
His cheek puffed out from another bite, Tony tilts his chin up and looks down his nose at Steve, expression studious, like a scientist down at a pinned bug. Slowly, he crunches the mouthful down. He's stalling until his sleep-starved brain can settle on a comeback out of the hundred that zoom by.
Steve just keeps munching through his food, leaving a swath of destruction before him. "With all that complaining, I'm going to assume that means you don't want ice cream for dessert?" October isn't exactly the time for ice cream, anyway, but odds are pretty good that won't stop Steve. "Or any dessert?"
Tony balls up the empty paper wrapper as the turn in conversation stalls his wonderful comebacks. (He stores them for later. Steve might appreciate Tony getting his aerobics in via lap dance.) "That depends. How smug would you be if I got some? Keeping your ego in check would taste just as sweet," he teases. Fry basket reduced to crumbs, he bites into the burger. He melts in his seat a little with a grunt.
"You're talking about keeping my ego in check?" Steve fires back with a grin. "I didn't know you had any room to talk about ego, Stark. But I'm gonna have a sundae, and I don't want you stealing it or giving me puppy dog eyes." Because he'd probably cave and let Tony share it (okay, there's no probably about it), and he'd even let him get away with theft with only mild ribbing. He's already eating the burger and fries; that's victory enough for Steve.
Tony just waves a hand, dismissive, as he devours the cheeseburger; been a few months since he indulged in this particular fashion. After he sucks his fingers clean, and wipes with a napkin, he slouches back and lays a hand on his full belly. "Mmh. Feel that bloat," he says. By now, Madison has delivered Steve's sundae. Right when Steve scoops some into his mouth, Tony offhandedly announces, "I can already imagine the massive bowel movement I'll have in the morning." A beat, then: "It'll remind me of you!" and he grins widely and toothily, amused by his own self.
Steve just gives Tony an unimpressed Look; he's starting to develop an immunity to the most outrageous attempts to troll him. Besides, after everything he's seen and done, it'll take more than a little scatological humor to ruin his appetite.
"At least I've been promoted from little shit to big shit," he offers after a few more spoonfuls of ice cream, and without any indication he's willing to let Tony have any. Because now he's keeping it for himself, thank you very much.
Still smirking over the lip of his cooled coffee mug, Tony says, "And maybe one day, in addition, I'll have you stuck up my ass," his eyes locked on Steve behind the shades.
"Tony, no matter what happens, I'll always be a pain in your ass," Steve retorts dryly. "But for that in particular, you'll have to ask nicely first." He doesn't quite meet Tony's gaze; it's the only way he can remain deadpan about it. He's gradually getting used to trading innuendo, but sex remains a big deal for him - something that makes him equally excited and nervous - and Tony knows that.
That smirk turns knowing. "That so? Gee. I thought you'd be gung-ho about keeping me stuffed," Tony says, but turns his gaze aside as he sips and mercifully spares Steve of anything further.
Whatever nebulous fantasies might exist in Steve's head, he clearly doesn't care to share them in public. There's no sense in getting himself worked up over something when he doesn't know how long it'll take to materialize - if ever. So he glances up at Tony again to roll his eyes, then goes back to eating his sundae in peace.
Once Steve's done, he pays the check, adding a generous tip for Madison, and glances at Tony. "You ready to go?" The diner's starting to get a few more patrons drifting in, and not all of them are as polite about the Avengers in their midst as they could be; Steve's noticed more than a few glances and people whispering behind their hands. Best to get out of here before people start asking for pictures and autographs.
Tony nods, slurps up the last of his water, and straightens his blazer. He motions for Steve to head out first; if any civilian tries to catch them on the way out, he can run interference. He knows Steve prefers a low profile, and Tony is much more at ease with their fame and abrupt social interaction. The uninitiated or outsider would say he basks in the attention and praise, and he does to a degree, but it's more than that: Tony loves the people he protects. His patience with their shy approaches or outright hero worship, his willingness to indulge them, the general philanthropy, it all stems from how deeply he cares. Steve can do worse in his choice of partner, no matter what Tony says otherwise.
By now, the sky's started to tinge pink and orange with the colors of a fall sunset, mirroring the leaves on the ground, and the sun dips lower in the sky. There's more than a hint of a chill in the air as it gets darker, especially with the wind rushing by as Steve drives. In retrospect, the car might have been the better option - but if Tony huddles close, Steve puts off a pretty decent amount of heat.
Back at the compound, Steve tucks the bike back into its corner of the garage and makes sure everything's in its place before he turns to Tony. "You heading back tonight?" he asks. It's still early, after all, and he wouldn't be surprised if Tony makes the drive back to the city.
During the trip, with the wind blasting his fingers, Tony slips his hands beneath Steve's jacket on automatic to protect them. The moment he does, he snaps out of the driving-induced daze and glares at the back of Steve's head. First thought: Steve machinated the cycle ride to make Tony cuddle up for body heat, but that's stupider than most of Barton's macho-man dares. Steve isn't capable of that level of deceit, not consciously; he'd either vomit justice trying it or stumble onto it with good intentions, as previously shown.
In the diner, Steve talked about trust going a long way in relationships. Tony trusts Steve one-hundred percent on the battlefield. He trusts Steve as a friend to share a joke with and a business partner to manage their avenging empire with; and when Tony grew desperate from self-imposed isolation and guilt, he trusted Steve with his submission. But without that desperation, with Tony in full possession of his faculties and not using Steve as a crutch, how deep can he allow his trust to run? Slowly, Tony shields his bare face farther down.
Back in the garage and on his own two feet, nose and ears reddened by the wind, he rubs his hands together and peers at where he parked his orange Audi, his expression distant. "Yeah, I better," he mutters. "But this was ... enjoyable. Maybe we can make this a thing, you know, grabbing some grub at curiously prideful locations whenever I'm on-site."
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On the flip side, Tony thinks of the folded jeans in his bedroom, the seamless efficiency of their battle prowess as the Captain and his second-in-command Iron Man; and most importantly, Steve barreling ahead into territory unknown, footing uncertain, with nothing but grit and a desire to help. Steve Rogers, confronting the future barehanded, and not giving an inch. With all his plans and expectations dashed, Tony decides to follow Steve's lead.
While Steve shrunk into himself, here some of Tony's tension releases and allows him to unspool. "We should try. Not yet! I'm... I'm not ready yet," he admits haltingly, voice lowered for privacy. Beyond them, in the world outside, the door chimes and food sizzles. "Not for anything serious. I dunno when I will be. And I know it's a tall order, especially for you, but if you'd be willing to wait..." He gifts Steve a weak smile and waves a single finger at him. "You'd be the first to know when I am. Ready, that is. When I'm..." His eyes grow distant and sad: Pepper, once a constant. "When I'm ready."
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"I know you're not ready," he says finally, haltingly. "I don't think I'd want it if you offered right now." Because if Tony did that, tried to plaster over the cracks in his life, he'd just be shoving Steve in as a replacement for Pepper, and that's not what any of them deserve. Before the serum, he'd never been good enough for anyone, and he still wouldn't have settled for second best - not because it's unfair to him, but because his potential partner deserves better. And now, well, he knows that Tony needs to appreciate him for who he is, not use him to prop himself up in Pepper's place. He's not Pepper, and he can't fill that hole, no matter how he tries, no matter how much both of them would want him to. But once Tony has some time to reconfigure himself, once he can accept Steve for who he is? Yeah, he's willing to wait for that. He might be impetuous, but deep down, there's a part of him that can wait if he needs to; he'd waited years for Peggy, after all. It's a patience born of the determination that kept him fighting though his childhood - not physical fighting, but the fight to stay alive.
"But I can wait," he adds with a shy smile, looking for all the world like a lovestruck teenager. Ever since that first tentative session, sketching Tony while he posed on the bed, Steve's had a bone-deep certainty that this - whatever complicated thing this has been at times, whatever messy thing it turns out to be - is the right thing to do, that it's what they both need. It's not just a physical attraction; Tony makes his heart ache sometimes, from those little glimpses he gets into the sheer depth of his loneliness, his anxiety, the workings of his mind. Steve wants to be there for him, to do what he can to make things right, to give him what he needs. (And, yeah, there's selfish motives of his own, too; he can't deny that they exist.) "I will wait, I mean. Till you're ready."
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With a passing glance at Steve, Tony drags the basket of fries closer and pops a full one into his mouth. He leans an elbow onto the table as he chews. If Steve knows him at all, he won't say a word about it.
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He almost thinks about stealing a fry, despite his own excess of food, but settles for digging into his own potatoes instead. "And you've still got the wrap," he adds. "That's perfectly healthy." Steve's never understood the appeal of wraps, but the twenty-first century is weird like that.
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"At least I've been promoted from little shit to big shit," he offers after a few more spoonfuls of ice cream, and without any indication he's willing to let Tony have any. Because now he's keeping it for himself, thank you very much.
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Once Steve's done, he pays the check, adding a generous tip for Madison, and glances at Tony. "You ready to go?" The diner's starting to get a few more patrons drifting in, and not all of them are as polite about the Avengers in their midst as they could be; Steve's noticed more than a few glances and people whispering behind their hands. Best to get out of here before people start asking for pictures and autographs.
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Back at the compound, Steve tucks the bike back into its corner of the garage and makes sure everything's in its place before he turns to Tony. "You heading back tonight?" he asks. It's still early, after all, and he wouldn't be surprised if Tony makes the drive back to the city.
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In the diner, Steve talked about trust going a long way in relationships. Tony trusts Steve one-hundred percent on the battlefield. He trusts Steve as a friend to share a joke with and a business partner to manage their avenging empire with; and when Tony grew desperate from self-imposed isolation and guilt, he trusted Steve with his submission. But without that desperation, with Tony in full possession of his faculties and not using Steve as a crutch, how deep can he allow his trust to run? Slowly, Tony shields his bare face farther down.
Back in the garage and on his own two feet, nose and ears reddened by the wind, he rubs his hands together and peers at where he parked his orange Audi, his expression distant. "Yeah, I better," he mutters. "But this was ... enjoyable. Maybe we can make this a thing, you know, grabbing some grub at curiously prideful locations whenever I'm on-site."
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