In his more conscious mind, Tony feels the acute difference in this subspace versus the first with Steve. The first: a blank landscape, beautiful and serene, like undisturbed snow. But this -- this space is warmer, more inviting, made to feel rather than look at, like sunshine on his face. A place to linger in, despite his many fears.
Tony traces his fingers along the back of Steve's hand, arm atop Steve's around his waist. "I don' need anything," he says idly, and then twines their fingers together.
"Yeah, I know." That's what makes Tony so hard to shop for. He doesn't really need anything, and he can buy anything he wants. "But I wanna give you something. You deserve it." He deserves more than Steve, probably. Steve squeezes Tony's fingers, then rests his chin on top of his shoulder, putting him in Tony's line of sight. A gentle smile curves his lips. "Though if you want kisses, I can deliver."
A soft, sweet smile spreads across Tony's face. He turns into his pillow to hide it. Once Steve plops his chin down and adds his offer of kisses, he can catch a peek of the smile before it grows and Tony practically stuffs his whole face into the pillow, and even then, Tony's deepened crow's feet and lifted cheeks still show.
Steve just laughs delightedly and lightly drops a number of kisses on whatever exposed skin he can reach by tilting his head up. "Early delivery," he jokes before he relents and settles back down behind Tony again. For the first time in longer than he can remember, he feels happy instead of weighed down by his problems, by his entire goddamn life. Being here with Tony just feels right. It's too soon to say it to Tony, he knows, but Steve loves him. There's no doubt in his heart about that.
Tony snorts some laughter, muffled in the pillow, and hunches his shoulders like the kisses tickle him. He's come back enough, lured by Steve's teasing and the aftercare signaling the scene done, to feel abashed by the affection -- but not enough to protest it. He's always more opened afterward, softer, halfway in and halfway out.
Steve relents. Tony lifts his head, half-turned, and says with a hint of his normal humor, "None on the mouth? Tha's disappointing." He wriggles onto his back. Easier access.
"Shouldn't've hidden from me, then." Steve wrinkles his nose as he points out the obvious. "Hard to kiss your lips when they're planted on a pillow." But he acquiesces to Tony's unspoken request easily enough, draping over him like a human blanket, and then kisses him on the mouth, slow and sweet and lingering. "Better now?" he murmurs, still close enough that their lips brush when he speaks.
"I thought ya liked overcomin' challenges," Tony starts to say, but trails off as Steve kisses him. His fingertips brush one of Steve's sides during it. His eyes stay shut when it ends. "Mhm. Much."
"Good." Steve grins down at him. He likes it like this, but he'd be happy with any position that keeps him in full contact with Tony. Pulling back, he rests his head on Tony's chest with a sigh of contentment. "Does this mean you're gonna be coming by more often?" Steve would prefer much more often, but he doesn't want to look too clingy and scare Tony off.
Neck bent to look, Tony suddenly, vividly remembers Pepper's head lying on his chest, strawberry blonde hair draped across, her body softer in every curve, the twin pressure of her breasts mashed between them. Steve's voice breaks the illusion and sharpens all the differences: broader, bigger than Tony, hard muscle and heft between the legs. Doubt pierces him again, one of the many downsides of slowly coming back. Tony shakes it off. He wants to try.
His arms lower to his sides. Eyes shut, Tony strives to just appreciate the heat and heavy weight of Steve on top of him. "When I can, yeah," he answers roughly.
Steve frowns and rolls off. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that he did something wrong, not with the change in Tony's body language. Curling up against his back seems safer, something he's never had any objection to. "Well, yeah, I know that." But he also knows Tony's been avoiding his problems by staying away. Maybe he's pushing for too much too soon. God, he's bad at this sort of thing.
Suddenly bereft of Steve's steadfast weight, hurt spikes through Tony. He tries to rationalize that Steve just feels more comfortable on and by his side, but the nasty gremlin that whispers he's hurting Steve with his inability to completely move on persists, which prompts the avalanche of all the other demons. He's gonna mess this up, he already has, he could never be enough for Pepper and he'll never be enough for Steve, he doesn't deserve either of them, he...
He breathes in deeply. Begins erecting the walls around the compartments of his brain again. Each thing in a manageable place, the worst shoved back and down for survival.
"I mean, yes. I will. More regularly, at least. Or you could risk a ticket driving down to the city. Generally more date-worthy places there... Or we could meet in the middle sometimes. Relationships are about compromise, as -- as far as I've learned. Uh..." Tony rubs his fingers into his worried forehead, hard.
"I wouldn't mind going on dates," Steve admits, a little shyly, and his arm finds its way around Tony's waist again. Yeah, he's a sucker for romance, but it's not like he's had a whole lot of it in his life before now. He chuckles softly as a thought occurs to him. "You just want the comforts of home, don't you? With all your fancy skin care creams and...whatever. Can't rough it here too often." Even though his stomach is still knotted with nerves, he kisses just below and behind Tony's ear. It seems that he's easy with physical affection, given the chance.
"You know nobody'd ever give me a ticket if they pulled me over, right?" he points out. "Half the time, people think my license is a fake." Although he can't blame them, Steve can't help but think he'd try for something a lot more ordinary with a fake ID.
"Caught me red-handed," Tony barely interjects, quietly, easing into the mattress again from the physical contact. He rests an arm opposite on Steve's, a placebo to think he could stop Steve from ever removing it. The easy affection surprises him, to be honest. To Tony, Steve always seemed distant, restrained, nigh untouchable -- or that was just his perception, he supposes, impressions from stories in his youth that painted Captain America as a man above the rest. Turns out, while Steve is all that, he's also a giant troll, stubborn asshole, complete snuggle monster, and a sad and lonely dude.
Head turned, Tony pins him with a dry look. He fights a smirk to maintain it. "You won't squeak by on your good-American-boy looks forever, ya lawless hooligan. Mark my words."
Steve just looks totally bland, although there's a definite sparkle in his eyes that proves the humor fighting to get out. "And how many tickets have you gotten in your life, huh?" He bets the answer is somewhere around zero, between being famous and oozing charm (and occasionally flirtation). It's definitely not because Tony follows all the rules of the road.
Twining their fingers again, Steve allows himself to relax a little more. "If anyone actually writes me a ticket, I'll gladly fess up and cough up the cash. I've got no problem with that." And while he might not have Tony's wealth, he has six decades of back pay to rely on, and the fact that he doesn't actually pay any living expenses or rent.
"Like I'd just let you mar your perfect record," Tony huffs. "What kinda lover would I be if I didn't cover your dumb ass? That's including the inevitable hospital bills for a cracked cranium."
"I notice you didn't answer my question, Stark." Steve's heart beats a little faster when Tony calls him his lover, and he can't keep the goofy smile off his face. He doesn't even bother to defend his own driving skills or point out that his head would probably be fine in an accident; he just burrows in closer to Tony.
"What, about any tickets? Why?" Tony squints at Steve with faux suspicion, but Steve's goofy smile catches on, contagious. Tony's turns out smaller. "You better not be gunning for blackmail in something so unimpressive. I've already handled, count 'em, two sex tape scandals... So, minor traffic infractions? Not a blip on my radar."
"Just curious, is all." He runs his fingertips idly over Tony's hip, enjoying the freedom to touch as he pleases. "I'm not exactly a blackmail kinda guy." To put it mildly. Natasha might manipulate people like that, but Steve? He's not sneaky and underhanded enough.
"Shame. Could maybe make for some fun roleplay." Mirth lights up Tony's eyes. "Ooo, how 'bout you as the hardknock cop tempted by me, the irresistible prostitute?"
Steve just snorts at the suggestion. "I'm not roleplaying with you, whether it's cops and robbers or cowboys and...well, I guess horses." Which just makes it sound even weirder to him. He doesn't get the point of sexy roleplay.
"Not even me as a captured hero and you as a diabolical Bond-esque villain?" Tony says, smirk wide, humored. He finds most roleplay more funny than sexy, considering the already fantastical nature of their lives. Pepper felt similarly, he thinks. She wanted them able to be themselves together, alone, without the stalwart masks and public facades -- and there he goes again, thinking of her in comparison, his benchmark for a relationship, the gold standard. The thought of Pepper only occurs for a split second before Tony pushes it aside, pained, but it burns an afterimage in.
"Definitely not." Anything related to heroes hits too close to home, and Steve wants that as far away from their relationship as possible. Some of the humor seeps out of his tone for a split second, but he shores his mood up again. "How 'bout I'll be an artist, and you can be a muse." He nudges Tony with an elbow. "I'll draw you like one of those French girls." See? He's not completely unfamiliar with pop culture.
The smirk softens same as Tony's eyes, which gain a twinkle long lost: some muted form of happiness. This thing between them can work. He lost his chance with Pepper, but like she said in that restaurant, like Rhodey echoed that night he visited on the anniversary of Howard and Maria Stark's deaths, Tony has more than one person in his life to depend on now. Doesn't change the fact that the Sokovia death toll reached one hundred seventy-seven or that the world's governments are growing angry and restless, no longer abated by a fear that the Avengers are their only hope in a world gone topsy-turvy after SHIELD's fall. But Tony can find purpose again from this.
"Square deal," he says. "Be like that first time, except buck naked. I even have my mom's priceless necklaces somewhere... Gotta be a sapphire there... Would that be weird wearing it?"
Steve makes a face. "I'm not sure you have the, uh, assets to pull that look off." He leans over and cups Tony's pecs playfully, pretending to shove them up and together. "But I'll find something that'll work." He already has an idea, in fact, although he isn't going to share it with Tony. "I'll bring the couch from my office in here so you have somewhere to pose if you bring a car we can steam up afterwards." He's mostly kidding about that; his room is perfectly fine for that purpose, thank you very much.
"I'mma hold you to that," Tony says, seemingly serious, no reaction to his chest being fondled besides a glance (he's as flat as a dude can be; barely anything to actually cup).
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Tony traces his fingers along the back of Steve's hand, arm atop Steve's around his waist. "I don' need anything," he says idly, and then twines their fingers together.
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Steve relents. Tony lifts his head, half-turned, and says with a hint of his normal humor, "None on the mouth? Tha's disappointing." He wriggles onto his back. Easier access.
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His arms lower to his sides. Eyes shut, Tony strives to just appreciate the heat and heavy weight of Steve on top of him. "When I can, yeah," he answers roughly.
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He breathes in deeply. Begins erecting the walls around the compartments of his brain again. Each thing in a manageable place, the worst shoved back and down for survival.
"I mean, yes. I will. More regularly, at least. Or you could risk a ticket driving down to the city. Generally more date-worthy places there... Or we could meet in the middle sometimes. Relationships are about compromise, as -- as far as I've learned. Uh..." Tony rubs his fingers into his worried forehead, hard.
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"You know nobody'd ever give me a ticket if they pulled me over, right?" he points out. "Half the time, people think my license is a fake." Although he can't blame them, Steve can't help but think he'd try for something a lot more ordinary with a fake ID.
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Head turned, Tony pins him with a dry look. He fights a smirk to maintain it. "You won't squeak by on your good-American-boy looks forever, ya lawless hooligan. Mark my words."
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Twining their fingers again, Steve allows himself to relax a little more. "If anyone actually writes me a ticket, I'll gladly fess up and cough up the cash. I've got no problem with that." And while he might not have Tony's wealth, he has six decades of back pay to rely on, and the fact that he doesn't actually pay any living expenses or rent.
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"Square deal," he says. "Be like that first time, except buck naked. I even have my mom's priceless necklaces somewhere... Gotta be a sapphire there... Would that be weird wearing it?"
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