[Tony's gone before he can offer any more comments, so instead, since Jarvis assures him they'll have a long span of uninterrupted time, they get into a conversation about television, which leads to a discussion about computers and artificial intelligence. At one point, Jarvis helps him find paper and a pen, and he starts clumsily taking notes when the AI starts talking about the Internet. Unlike Tony, his program is able to simplify concepts tremendously, instead of expecting him to build on a pre-existing knowledge database that he simply doesn't have.
When he feels like he's about to fall asleep, he asks Jarvis to put on The Maltese Falcon, and he drifts off to the reassuring sounds of Bogey's voice.
Having learned from the previous morning, Jarvis doesn't wake him up with an alarm, but when he stretches and almost falls off the sofa, the AI does pipe up with his morning recitation. He waves it off and heads to the kitchen to make one of the remaining steaks and fry some (a half-dozen) eggs. While he's cooking, the TV pops up with news footage of Iron Man taking on the pirate vessels. He flawlessly executes some maneuvers that are, in his opinion, purposely flashy - but of course that's what Tony does. The important thing is that he's doing something, and he can't fault him for that.
By evening, when Tony returns, the turkey is soaking in a bath in the sink, as per Jarvis's advice, and he's flopped out on the couch watching Citizen Kane, looking more like a giant fur rug than anything else.]
[ tony makes two passes on the stairs in the living room: one coming up from the workshop in nothing but a thong again, and one coming down from his bedroom freshly showered and dressed in PJ pants and an undershirt. the first pass he doesn't say anything, but he does pause on the living room landing, drinking from a glass of clear alcohol with a cut lime on the rim, and watches the movie for a moment, unabashed in his thong. if simba looks over, tony just smiles and raises his glass in a cheer.
on the second pass, he bounces down with his tablet in hand, saying, ] I'm ordering pizza. Speak now or forever hold your peace, [ and plops into a recliner across from the couch, swiping at his screen. ]
[The sound of Tony coming upstairs wakes him up; he glances over and catches a glimpse of the underwear - or the lack thereof - and although his eyes widen slightly (although he tries to pretend he doesn't enjoy the view on some level), he doesn't seem especially perturbed by the near-nudity. He just goes back to watching the movie.
And when Tony mentions pizza-]
Two extra-large, heavy on the meat. Whatever meat they throw on, I don't care.
[A small part of him feels greedy for ordering so much, but he's also well aware that he can put it away without a problem.]
You wanna watch something else? [A beat, and then-] Maybe all that posing you did after you took care of the pirates?
[ tony sprawls his legs out, slouched back and head lowered to his screen. he waves off the offer at first–whatever simba is watching is fine–but then it's extended and a slow, secretive smile spreads across his face. that means simba watched coverage of him. tony glances up from beneath his brow. ] What can I say? I give the people what they want, and incidentally, they want me.
[He just rolls his eyes. He knows Tony does his heroic shenanigans for the right reasons, but he also seems to spend a lot of time preening and making sure people know about it, and that doesn't sit right with him. Maybe it's because he's a private kind of guy, because deep down he remembers what it's like when you're in the spotlight. People don't see you, they see who they want to see.]
When they wear me out. Enthusiastically, with multiple rounds. [ leering, tony taps more on his screen. he orders jumbo meat lovers for simba, a large cheese for him, and throws in some chicken tenders. ]
A roommate never stopped me before, although I don't think my date tomorrow night is into yiffing, so make yourself scarce when she comes, okay? [ there's no smirk or bluster when tony glances up this time, just the heads-up and an honest plea. besides keeping simba secret, tony genuinely wants this date to go smoothly. he likes lina. she's beautiful, bold, and smart. he rung her up on the flight back; he wants to try a relationship with her. he wants a relationship, period. as fun as the parade of no-strings flings is, they always end in an empty bed.
nothing like a chest full of shrapnel to wake you up to wanting more, he muses darkly and finalizes the order. on the windows, thompson struggles in his pursuit to find the meaning of "rosebud." ]
[He tilts his head slightly - he genuinely doesn't want his presence to affect Tony's life, but at the same time, having someone come over seems hazardous. Pepper, whoever she is, is one thing; Tony seems to trust her implicitly. A stranger is different. But Tony must know what he's doing, or at least trust that his presence is enough to keep her from getting distracted and wandering around the house.]
If you think it's safe.
[He can't help sounding dubious about the notion, though.]
[ tony tosses the tablet onto the table. finally without distractions, he meets simba's eyes, serious. ] I got better security protocols than the Pentagon. It's safe. Just keep closed doors around you and JARVIS will do the rest. If you can't trust me, trust him. He's programmed now to keep you safe.
[He shrugs. Like Tony says, all he has to do is stay in his room and he'll be fine.]
You got some way I can read? These don't do books very well. [He holds up one paw-hand and wiggles the fingers. He can mostly turn pages, though it's right on the bottom line of fine dexterity for him, but the books are far too small in his hands. It's simply not comfortable.]
[ for the smallest, most bizarre moment, tony honestly considers canceling his date, or at least not bringing her back here, but he mentally swats the notion away with a frown. simba doesn't seem to really mind. (what would it matter if he did, though?)
he's already moving on. it'll be fine. tony glances to the paws. ] Is it their baseball-mitt size or their flesh-rending claws? [ he drawls. to actually answer: ] I'll hook you up. Gimme a day or two.
[But it's said in good humor, and he playfully places a hand against Tony's cheek to show him. The barest suggestion of claws can be felt - the tips hidden in the fur - but otherwise, it's all rough bare skin and velvety fur. His hand is only there a second before he pulls away again.]
It's the size. Same reason why I can't eat with a knife and fork like a civilized person. [He shrugs.] Everything's too small for me.
[ the feel of the fur and padded fingers coaxes the hazy memory to the surface: being dehydrated and injured, half-out-of-it, and then those same paws lifting his head to help him drink. tony almost leans into the touch, or rather its memory, but it ends quickly, breaking the illusion. he tries not to feel bereft.
yeah, wow, he really needs that date tomorrow if he's so starved for fulfilling intimacy. ]
Well, luckily you saved someone larger than life then, huh? [ tony points out. anything simba wants, he just needs to name it. doesn't matter how small the issue or how big he needs something to be. ]
[The touch feels surprisingly intimate to him - or maybe not so surprising, considering his own isolation - and that's what makes him end it so quickly. He wants more, but that's probably (definitely) weird.]
You might try saying that to someone who hasn't seen you in your underwear, [he shoots back teasingly, trying to distract himself more than anything else.]
[ tony lifts his chin. he's confident in his body and ability to please his part–a woman, even with the tech sitting in his chest. ] I've yet to receive complaints and I don't see that streak breaking.
Oh, bit of a size queen, are you? That's respectable. [ tony nods thoughtfully to himself. then, slyly: ] Want me to buy you a mega-size dildo since I'm so unfit for your needs?
[He's just left blinking and sputtering at, well, everything. Apparently he needs to stop playing chicken with Tony. He remembers the guys giving each other shit about their dicks (he's not sure which guys; that part of it is hazy), but none of it ever went this far.]
I think I'm unfit for your needs.
[Which maybe comes out a little more self-deprecating than he intends it to.]
[ tony smirks. score another win for him. ] You're right. I like mine much curvier and softer, and with less, [ he glances downward, ] dangly bits. Especially less teeth. No offense.
I know a subset of people who would be very into that. [ tony's not, but he's dabbled in the scene. a girl wanted him to try it. ] Who knows? One day you might find your very own kinky Belle.
['Disney', at least, he recognizes - though the lavish spectacle that unfolds before him bears little resemblance to Snow White or Bambi. But he can see the bones of the past in the present, a certain style that seems familiar.
The story, of course, he recognizes. It might not be a tale as old as time, but it's still one he's familiar with, at least after the setting is established. But his first comment comes after Belle's in the Beast's castle, a quiet remark that he slips in just before a musical number kicks off-]
At least you only have one thing in your house that talks.
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When he feels like he's about to fall asleep, he asks Jarvis to put on The Maltese Falcon, and he drifts off to the reassuring sounds of Bogey's voice.
Having learned from the previous morning, Jarvis doesn't wake him up with an alarm, but when he stretches and almost falls off the sofa, the AI does pipe up with his morning recitation. He waves it off and heads to the kitchen to make one of the remaining steaks and fry some (a half-dozen) eggs. While he's cooking, the TV pops up with news footage of Iron Man taking on the pirate vessels. He flawlessly executes some maneuvers that are, in his opinion, purposely flashy - but of course that's what Tony does. The important thing is that he's doing something, and he can't fault him for that.
By evening, when Tony returns, the turkey is soaking in a bath in the sink, as per Jarvis's advice, and he's flopped out on the couch watching Citizen Kane, looking more like a giant fur rug than anything else.]
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on the second pass, he bounces down with his tablet in hand, saying, ] I'm ordering pizza. Speak now or forever hold your peace, [ and plops into a recliner across from the couch, swiping at his screen. ]
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And when Tony mentions pizza-]
Two extra-large, heavy on the meat. Whatever meat they throw on, I don't care.
[A small part of him feels greedy for ordering so much, but he's also well aware that he can put it away without a problem.]
You wanna watch something else? [A beat, and then-] Maybe all that posing you did after you took care of the pirates?
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[He just rolls his eyes. He knows Tony does his heroic shenanigans for the right reasons, but he also seems to spend a lot of time preening and making sure people know about it, and that doesn't sit right with him. Maybe it's because he's a private kind of guy, because deep down he remembers what it's like when you're in the spotlight. People don't see you, they see who they want to see.]
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Sorry to cramp your style.
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nothing like a chest full of shrapnel to wake you up to wanting more, he muses darkly and finalizes the order. on the windows, thompson struggles in his pursuit to find the meaning of "rosebud." ]
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If you think it's safe.
[He can't help sounding dubious about the notion, though.]
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[Obviously.]
I just don't trust her.
[He shrugs. Like Tony says, all he has to do is stay in his room and he'll be fine.]
You got some way I can read? These don't do books very well. [He holds up one paw-hand and wiggles the fingers. He can mostly turn pages, though it's right on the bottom line of fine dexterity for him, but the books are far too small in his hands. It's simply not comfortable.]
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he's already moving on. it'll be fine. tony glances to the paws. ] Is it their baseball-mitt size or their flesh-rending claws? [ he drawls. to actually answer: ] I'll hook you up. Gimme a day or two.
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[But it's said in good humor, and he playfully places a hand against Tony's cheek to show him. The barest suggestion of claws can be felt - the tips hidden in the fur - but otherwise, it's all rough bare skin and velvety fur. His hand is only there a second before he pulls away again.]
It's the size. Same reason why I can't eat with a knife and fork like a civilized person. [He shrugs.] Everything's too small for me.
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yeah, wow, he really needs that date tomorrow if he's so starved for fulfilling intimacy. ]
Well, luckily you saved someone larger than life then, huh? [ tony points out. anything simba wants, he just needs to name it. doesn't matter how small the issue or how big he needs something to be. ]
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You might try saying that to someone who hasn't seen you in your underwear, [he shoots back teasingly, trying to distract himself more than anything else.]
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[His grin is toothy - but he doesn't really have any other kind.]
I'm just talkin' about the facts.
[Admittedly, facts he only caught a glimpse of for a split second.]
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[He's just left blinking and sputtering at, well, everything. Apparently he needs to stop playing chicken with Tony. He remembers the guys giving each other shit about their dicks (he's not sure which guys; that part of it is hazy), but none of it ever went this far.]
I think I'm unfit for your needs.
[Which maybe comes out a little more self-deprecating than he intends it to.]
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All the better to eat you with, my dear.
[Surprisingly, that isn't intended to be an innuendo. Which, obviously, will not keep Tony from interpreting it that way.]
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[The twenty-first century is weird. Living in a cave was much less complicated - but also a lot lonelier.]
-what does being Southern have to do with anything?
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[ "indeed, sir." ]
Roll it.
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The story, of course, he recognizes. It might not be a tale as old as time, but it's still one he's familiar with, at least after the setting is established. But his first comment comes after Belle's in the Beast's castle, a quiet remark that he slips in just before a musical number kicks off-]
At least you only have one thing in your house that talks.
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