open post

[gotup]

Comments

[gotup]

Steve's gaze is drawn to the way Tony bites his bottom lip, and he has to drag his eyes away from it to concentrate. "Barely," he admits, "and only because I did some extra reading on the internet. You kinda threw me into the deep end, Tony." And never mind that he's absolutely jumped into deep water without knowing how to swim before. That's not the point.

[myheartglows]

Tony shuts his eyes. "Sorry. We're, uh..." He circles the fingers of one hand, naturally wanting to speak with them, but they just flop like so much dead weight. He's gotta maintain his muscle strength again, he notes. "Kinda in the same boat? Mine's just tricked out better. Aaand I know the engine."

[gotup]

"That's a terrible metaphor," Steve says frankly. "You can't just say that our situations are the same except, oh wait, they're completely different." That doesn't even make any sense. "Use real words, Stark."

[myheartglows]

Tony frowns, affronted, and grumbles, "It makes perfect sense." Then he digs the top of his wrist into his forehead, trying to massage his brain awake and any lingering warm-and-gooey away. "Okay," he starts. "I'm not that experienced in ... this area of things. I've been with Pepper, and now, you. I know what I liked with her, but you, you're different, right? Whole different ballgame. You're gonna have your own ... style, let's call it."

[gotup]

"I don't even know anything about boats," Steve mutters under his breath, but he quiets when Tony starts speaking again, listening thoughtfully. All this time, he's been assuming that Tony has a level of expertise that's a lot higher than his, when apparently it very much isn't. And that makes sense, and he can accept when he's wrong.

"Yeah, my style is not knowing what the hell I'm doing." And, god, he's afraid of making mistakes, of doing the wrong thing and somehow damaging Tony, or of plain driving him away. "I mean, that was the third time. I'm still feeling my way through this, and you threw me a curveball I didn't expect." He shouldn't feel so disgruntled about this, but he does.

[myheartglows]

Tony pauses, and then, with abashed smile up at Steve, says, "You can't honestly tell me you're surprised. Those first couple a' times were too easy."

[gotup]

"Hey, I thought maybe that was how you were." Steve shrugs helplessly. "Didn't give it much thought. At least, not in that particular area. And it's not like I had anything to go by." If he sounds a little too defensive, it's because Tony's right, and he's kicking himself in hindsight. "I just didn't know what I was supposed to do when you started acting out, and I wasn't prepared. And I know that's part of this-" he gestures vaguely, "thing, but it threw me for a loop. That's my fault, I guess."

[myheartglows]

Tony softens his tone. "Steve, I don't even know how I am. You think I mouthed off to Pepper like that?" He shakes his head to rid himself of her image; of her all straight-backed and beautiful. Her nails scratched wonderfully across his scalp. "I'm sorry," he says sincerely. "The first two times, I was in a real bad way. I didn't care how I got out of my head, just that I did. But I feel better now, because of this. My various issues aside, I'll try to be more considerate of easing you into things. If -- if you're still comfortable with all this."

[gotup]

"Tony, I think you mouth off to everyone like that." He knows what Tony means, though - specifically in the context of a scene. "I understand why you did it now, it just threw me off. I'll be ready for it in the future. Although you might end up doing a whole lot of push-ups." Steve laughs quietly; he seems to have settled down a little, at least. "I don't know; I'm not real good at coming up with punishments off the top of my head, and I gotta figure out what works with you." It's an interesting challenge, and god knows Steve can't back down from a challenge.

[myheartglows]

Tony smirks, something dark, sardonic, haunted crossing through his eyes. "What? You never once thought of spanking me with a paddle and calling me a bad boy? Or pushing my face into the carpet like a puppy who pissed indoors? Ah." The look clears with a glance away. Tony curls his fingers on the pillow, briefly looking lost. "Sorry. Might be a little advanced for you."

[gotup]

Steve blushes slightly. "I thought about spanking you," he admits. "But corporal punishment just didn't feel right to me." So, yeah, this is probably part of figuring out his style. "Although if you like it - well, actually, if you like it, then it's not an effective punishment, because then you'll act out to be punished, instead of doing it to push boundaries." And if that sounds like Steve's been reading up on his own time, then there's a reason for that. "But I definitely couldn't call you a bad boy with a straight face."

[myheartglows]

Steve talks through it like a general over a war map. Of course, he got introduced to the scene by possibly the worst person available, Tony thinks of himself, but one day Steve can use this experience on some lucky gal (or guy, as it turns out) he really fancies. He's a good man. He'll find someone, and with any luck, Tony will have earned Pepper back by then.

"See? Figuring things out already," Tony says lowly. The respect he's never quite managed to squash creeps into his tone. "Before you know it you'll have a complete battle plan."

[gotup]

He makes a face at Tony. "I'm not sure I'd go that far. I'd be happy enough to not have to wing it through a scene." Because right now, to continue the battle metaphor, it feels like he's walking through a minefield blindfolded. Sooner or later, something's gonna blow up in his face - and it's probably going to be sooner. "I don't even know what I'm gonna do next time."

[myheartglows]

He should absolve Steve of this responsibility. The guy doesn't need to be holding the hand of a guilt-ridden billionaire on top of leading an international superhero team, but Steve's a bleeding heart. Probably any way that Tony laid out for help Steve would latch onto. God, Tony thinks, he's really botched this one up. He should, he should, he should ... but he doesn't. He's trapped by the swirl of a wormhole above and a black hole of guilt below. This is his only escape.

"You mentioned chaps," Tony says dryly.

[gotup]

"I don't think cowboys even use riding crops, Tony." He'd read enough pulp Westerns back in the day to know that. And, yes, that's clearly what he's choosing to fixate on here, if Tony's going to derail the conversation by talking about chaps.

[myheartglows]

Tony heaves a sigh and flops onto his back, grimacing, preparing himself to get moving. Two hour drive back. Maybe he should invest in a personal helicopter. "They don't. That's why it's a fantasy," he mumbles.

[gotup]

"Sounds to me like you're the one with the cowboy fantasy." Steve raises his eyebrows. "What would you even do for something like that?" You know, for potential future reference, in case Tony actually does have a cowboy fantasy.

[myheartglows]

Eyes still shut, Tony smirks. "Nah. I'd just like to get whipped by a crop," he says with a humorous lilt. "Make me all nice and rosy red in the gooey bag."

[gotup]

Steve just snorts. "Won't be me doing it, then." Because if a gooey bag is what he thinks it is - and that's a terrible euphemism, Tony - then that's pretty solidly in the red zone of Places Steve Doesn't Touch.

(Also, that sounds painful. Steve can understand a certain amount of pain leading to pleasure - he could probably be persuaded to take a riding crop to Tony's ass, for example - but there are some things that qualify as too much pain.)

[myheartglows]

Tony slits open his eyes and rolls his head to Steve with one of his patented unimpressed-by-everything-ever, seriously-color-him-surprised looks. "Too far?" he drawls.

[gotup]

The look that Steve gives Tony in exchange is equally bland and unimpressed. "For both of us, I think." Don't pull that shit on him, Tony. He can figure it out some of the time.

[myheartglows]

"Speak for yourself," Tony huffs. Perhaps a telltale sign to someone who really knows him of the actual truth in his words: he turns his eyes away. "Maybe I subscribe to the M in BDSM."

[gotup]

He's not even going to go near his theories about BDSM and Tony's apparent self-flagellation, because that's just a giant mess that Steve's somehow managed to wind up right in the middle of. What Steve does know is that the more positive and caring aspects of being a dom are what called to him in the articles Tony linked him, and he figures (or maybe hopes) that it's something that appeals to Tony's psyche on a level that isn't full of self-loathing and the deep belief he deserves to be punished for his sins.

(Steve's almost surprised that Tony's never been a devout Catholic; something in this reminds him of a warped version of the faith he was raised in.)

"If that was what you wanted, then you wouldn't keep coming back to me," he says dryly. And possible spanking aside, he doubts that Pepper would ever indulge anything like that, either.

[myheartglows]

Tony shoots up in the bed. Tension ratchets along his shoulders and up his spine. "Oh, I dunno," he bites out, voice tight, staring dead ahead. "The way you fuck my throat is pretty brutal."

[gotup]

Shit. Steve's not sure why Tony's reacting like this, but it's not good, and he doesn't know what to do to fix it. "That's the exception, not the rule." And if he hadn't already been quietly planning on shifting things in a more nonsexual direction, this would absolutely make him do it anyway.