gotup | for amelioraate

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v: murder puppies

for amelioraate

[ HYDRA, as it turned out, had been working on other biological projects, which Steve had discovered one night late in the war when he infiltrated a small outpost and found a number of wolves. At first, he'd thought they had just been exceptionally resilient animal specimens - he'd had to set the house on fire and trap them inside to escape after he'd run out of ammunition.

When the full moon came, he discovered that they hadn't just been wolves, they had been werewolves. He turned into a beast, ran through the forest, and when dawn came, he found himself miles from camp, naked on a bed of pine needles.

(That had been a little awkward.)

A few months later, he'd gone under the ice, and nothing mattered anymore.

Fast-forward a good few decades, and Steve's out of the ice and managing his furry little problem the best he can. Which is to say, he disappears once a month and hope nobody notices. That hasn't been a problem till now. He's ostensibly under house arrest in Stark Tower, and, okay, he knows Tony won't care if he leaves, won't tell the government that he's suddenly disappeared. But that doesn't mean he's not paranoid about it.

There's really nothing he can do, though. Sure, he could probably spend the full moon curled up in his room, but he knows Tony has cameras in there to monitor him (doesn't blame him for it), and that's obviously a problem. He'll just have to suck it up and sneak out.

He's pretty sure Tony's preoccupied with something - a meeting, genius Tony things, whatever - when he casually strolls out of the tower before sunset in a hoodie, baseball cap tucked under his arm. Once he's safely out of view, he puts the baseball cap on, pulls up the hood - he can't wear sunglasses right now, that would just look weird. It's not far to the park, but he can feel the tug of the moon in his bones, and it makes him walk a little faster.

Steve wishes he would've had a chance to scope out the park ahead of time; right now, he just has to strip down and hope to god nobody steals his clothes as he stashes them deep in a copse of trees. And then- then the change hits, twisting his bones, reforming his body. It feels like the serum did every time, hurts like hell, but soon enough he's on four legs.

The wolf in him misses the jungles of Wakanda; they'd been hot, but wild, full of animals to hunt. The city isn't the same, not when the park isn't big enough to really run through, not when the biggest animals in the bushes are squirrels and rabbits. It feels distinctly unsatisfying; he wants to hunt, to feel the exhilaration as he brings down his prey, the hot blood on his tongue. As he thinks about it, there's a rustle in the underbrush behind him, and without thinking, he tenses his muscles and leaps. ]

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I want you to be here with me.

[ It's a quiet, simple admission, one that catches Steve by surprise even as he's saying it. But it's true; he knows it in his bones. He doesn't want Tony to feel like he needs to escape from him, to get away and bury his feelings in his work. He doesn't want to be in Tony's bedroom without him, doesn't want the distance between them to open back up again. He just wants him to stay. ]

You...huh?

[ Jerking his gaze to Steve, the surprise is clear in his gaze. This isn't what he thought would happen, couldn't hope that his wish could be true, and yet, the honesty in Steve's voice was more than apparent. And really, Steve wasn't the type to lie for the sake of it, for the sake of anything.]

This wasn't-- It wasn't a one time thing for you?

[ Tony hates how vulnerable he sounds. Hates. ]

[ There's a bit of a confused blink. Honestly, Steve doesn't really know what's going on, either. Isn't good at having conversations like this with anyone, men or women. But something tells him that Tony is his, and he's not going to argue with that feeling. ]

No?

[ Even if he sounds just as bewildered and vulnerable as Tony. ]

[ Something small and warm and fragile blooms in his chest at the way Steve responds, the way he seems to tremble just as much as Tony. It makes him-- Tony doesn't even know. But it stops him from getting out of the bed, has him turning, slowly, to face Steve with an unreadable look on his face, like he expects Steve to start laughing at him.

There is a moment where he just stares, eyes wide, before he blurts out, in a rush:]

You know I fucking suck at relationships. I'm a mess. I never sleep, I avoid things that I need to do like the plague, and I never get appropriate gifts. When I get angry, and I will get angry, I'm petty and cruel and... and...

[ He trails off, heaving a sigh. Steve would be best to turn tail and run. Pun not intended. ]

[ The thought of actually defining this as a relationship terrifies him a little; he's never even had one before, and Tony isn't exactly a beginner-level boyfriend. It's like giving someone who's never even had a goldfish a goddamn monkey for a pet and expecting them to keep it alive and healthy.

His eyes are wide and scared, and he cuts Tony off by grabbing him and kissing him. To be honest, it's the only thing he can think to do. ]

[ Part of Tony fully expects Steve to just... push him off the bed at this point, to push Tony out of his life because of course he goes from zero to sixty like that. Of course he immediately begins to think about all the different ways this could go horribly wrong, how he was going to let Steve down, and how he was shit at everything when Steve only wants him to stay in bed, not stay with him.

Tony begins to trip over more words, failed attempts to talk himself out of this, to talk Steve out of this, to apologize, to anything when--

Oh.. Well that's-- not what he expected.

There is a warmth in the base of his spine, something pulling and demanding and instead of pulling back and running, Tony leans into the kiss with a strangled noise.]

Calm down, [ he murmurs against Tony's lips. He wants to tell Tony that he's well aware of his flaws, that he's not exactly perfect himself. Of course they'll have fights and problems and come close to falling apart or punching each other on a regular basis, but that doesn't mean they can't be together. If it did, then nobody would ever have relationships.

He runs his hands down Tony's back, trying to get him to relax, trying to gentle him as he kisses him. ]

[ There is a quiet keening noise into the kiss, something a little panicked around the edges as Steve's hands being to move along his back. Tony shivers a little, moving to sit on the bed a little more fully and curl one of his hands against Steve's collarbone.

When he breaks the kiss, the genius presses his forehead to Steve's shoulder and takes a breath. Then another. Finally, he huffs against Steve's skin.] It's just-- you have to admit, it's a lot for me to take in right now, okay.

[ He tugs Tony closer, holding him against him, trying to comfort him with physical contact. It's all he really knows how to do right now. Honestly, he's not even sure if he's talking about the werewolf thing or the r-word thing or...maybe both. Probably both. ]

[ For the first time in his life, the physical contact is something that actually helps rather than hinders, which is-- weird. Usually Tony fights tooth and nail to get out of situations like this, to not have something holding him in place. But there is no part of him that wants to panic and fight to leave. Straight up panic, yes, but nothing more.

It takes a few more moments of Tony listening to Steve's heartbeat before he manages to sort his thoughts into some semblance of order.]

... so. Werewolf. Um. This mean I'm gonna get furry now too?

Uh. Yeah. Probably.

[ He gently kisses the top of Tony's head, feeling the twist of guilt in his gut. He's a little surprised Tony is even still speaking to him after everything, let alone...interested in him. ]

Sorry.

[ Shuddering a little in Steve's hold, Tony tries laughing. It doesn't really work, sounds a little choked up, but hey, at lest he isn't freaking out.]

This mean I should start making werewolf armour?

[ Because he probably will. Because why not.]

[ Steve thinks he's handling it surprisingly well. He never really had the chance to fully process what had happened to him - he'd just had to get up and keep going, keep fighting the war. It just became another part of his life, like the serum. He cards fingers through Tony's hair, stroking it gently. ]

...are you planning to fight or something?

[ He doesn't really understand why he would need it. Except for Tony, it's not a matter of needing it, it's wanting to make it. ]

... no?

[ That isn't a real question is it? Because it is less about fighting and more about making wolf armour. But it isn't something he lingers on for too long, instead lets his eyes close a bit as he leans into Steve's touch. Yeah, he likes this.

For some reason, being turned into a werewolf by Steve isn't as traumatizing as Tony thought it could be. Like, weird because werewolf, but at least he knew that he would have Steve with him and... well there were worse things in the world right?

Making a questioning noise, Tony slits and eye open and peers at Steve.] You always run around in Central Park? Or would you be okay heading back to the estate with larger grounds to get furry on?

I haven't exactly lived in the city for awhile. I just sorta played this one by ear. [ He makes a face. Look at how that turned out...okay, look at how it could have turned out if someone other than Tony had come across him. ]

So god, yes, I would love to have somewhere else to go. [ The wolf in him perks up a little at the prospect of having more room to run and hunt. Steve will always be a city-dweller at heart - doesn't have the slightest idea why people think camping is fun - but he's got a wild animal inside him, too. ]

...are there deer?

... I thought you were a strategies, Rogers. [ But he sounds more amused than anything at that. Because turning into a giant wold in the middle of New York sounded fucking brilliant right?

Tony forgets about it though when he sees how pleased Steve is at the prospect, something int Tony glowing with pleasure at being able to give Steve that. ] Alright, just let me know when we should head there next time, kay? And yeah... pretty sure there are. Lots of wildlife, it is on like, a hundred acres or something.

Yeah, well, being under house arrest makes your options kinda limited. [ Especially when you're trying to keep a secret from your host. ] Trust me, if I'd been able to come up with a better idea, I would've.

Mm, good. No more cold raw meat. [ Steve wrinkles his nose. Not that he doesn't appreciate Tony donating the contents of his fridge to him last night, but fresh meat is so much better. When you're a wolf, anyway. ]

After you, uh, change for the first time. You'll be able to do it whenever you want. You know, to make armor fittings easier, and all that.

....you know you could have told me. I mean, something. I would have... I would have covered for you. [ There is a quiet tone to his voice, something vulnerable around the edges, like he wonders if Steve didn't trust him enough (not that he really blames him).

Tony shakes it off and laughs though, giving Steve a look.] Not a fan of cold steak then? Because you seemed to enjoy it last night.

[ Hunger was hunger though, and Tony could understand that to a degree. A little bit. ] Huh, I will have to make sure FRIDAY takes measurements and such then. Because, wolf armour is totally going to happen.

[ Tony's laughter fades a little before he asks, a little quieter:] Is it like, super painful?

I was hungry. [ And still had the taste of Tony's blood in his mouth, and he needed something to get it out. Anything. Tony could've poured scotch into a bowl and he would have lapped it up, and he can't even get drunk (although a drunk werewolf would probably be pretty amusing).

When Tony asks if it's painful, Steve glances away. His pain tolerance is naturally high; between a childhood of constant pain and illness, and the intense pain that came with being transformed into a super-soldier, regular pain doesn't really register with him anymore. ]

...the first time is the worst.

[ Which is definitely not a comforting answer at all. But when your bones literally snap and your body reforms itself, there's no good answer to give. ]

I'll be there with you, okay?

So anything goes even in wolf form. Good to know. I will make a point of ensuring there is a large herd of deer around then. Since you seem to like the idea of them even better than kobe beef.

[ Tony is sure that it will all make more sense to him once he has sprouted claws and fangs for himself, but until then he will just be mildly amused.

When Steve doesn't answer right away, Tony knows. Sure, he is fine with pain and all, but he really didn't enjoy it and-- well once a month sure as hell was often enough. He sighs a little and leans into Steve.] That good, huh? So much to look forward to. At least I won't be alone though, that-- yeah.

It's, you know, hunting.

[ Okay, Tony doesn't know, and Steve can't really explain it as a human. But maybe once Tony gets the chance to do it himself, he'll understand.

(Or maybe he'll just make Steve bring down the deer by himself and then go eat a hamburger.)

His arms tighten around Tony, pulling him closer. His reaction just makes him feel worse about the whole thing. ] You sure you can't invent a time machine so you can go back in time and keep this from happening? Because that'd be great.

Hunting. [ DEADPANNED ]

So if I make giant robots covered in strips of bacon, you would find that even more amusing?

[ Not that he would-- yeah he would make those who are we kidding.It could be his idea of fun, making things that would evade a super werewolf.

At Steve's reaction, Tony snorts, but uses the action to snuggle in a little more. What, he was allowed ok.] Uh, no. Time travel is the realm of dimensions and shit, or magic and... nope. Not my style man. Not even a little. Anyway, can't say that I am all too upset I mean... you did make one hell of a wolf. Gotta hope I make a good one too.

You'll end up with dented robots, and I'll get broken teeth. So it's probably best to stick with the deer.

[ Actually, the robots would probably end up ripped apart. ]

Oh, yeah, because that really seems impossible in between turning into a wolf and the actual gods who visit our planet regularly. [ Steve huffs a sigh against Tony's neck. He thinks Tony should be upset - hell, he's upset about the whole thing, about how much he'd fucked up. About how things could have been different and Tony could have been dead because of him. ] Might want to be careful if you're working with silver in the future.

Uh huh, broken robots are par for the course here, don't know if you've noticed that. So....

[ He is still going to do it. Hey, if he can make robots that can be used as training things, or entertainment, he will. He is Tony now, c'mon.]

Shut up, Steve. It is, Space-Time works on a whole other level of everything okay. You can fuck with folding vast amounts surface into multiple dimensions, can stretch the tenth dimension to accommodate mass differentiation, but time travel is weird shit and no.

[ There is a raised brow at that because-- really?] Silver? Well there goes my secret hobby of making jewelry.

[ Steve's just going to stick to deer. You can hunt robots, Tony. Deer are more delicious. Maybe this will make more sense to your wolf brain. ]

You know, I'm just going to trust you on that, because none of it makes any sense to me. Everything you just said was complete gibberish.

Hey, I don't know what you use in your alloys. Silver might be in there somewhere. [ Shrug. He's just warning him that some stories might seem dumb, but they're true. ] Or you might secretly make jewelry, for all I know. Hell if I know what you get up to in your lab.

for amelioraate

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