for podchinyatsya

[gotup]

[ Steve doesn't make a habit of things like Googling himself (which sounds dirty, honestly) or checking his Wikipedia page. After all, he already knows about himself; he doesn't need to check up on the facts.

Except then one day, Sam asks him about the Yankees. And he knows Sam's aware that he doesn't like the Yankees; they've watched enough baseball together (even though Sam's a Mets fan). He gives Sam a funny look, and the other man laughs and shakes his head.

The next day, Wanda asks him why he always says he's just a kid from Brooklyn. He's obviously from Queens, doesn't he know that? What's the difference between the two? Is he sure he wasn't born somewhere else?

The day after that, T'Challa, of all people, asks him if it's true that his tears can be used to summon bald eagles. 'One of the Dora Milaje read it online,' is his excuse, but Steve's pretty sure he's just using his bodyguards as convenient scapegoats to save face.

He grabs his phone and types a search 'steve rogers tears bald eagles' and the first result (after about twenty shitty Photoshops) is Wikipedia.

Wikipedia! He'd taken the site's information as gospel truth, and so his first assumption is that someone must have hacked it. And, of course, there's only one person with the technological know-how to do that. ]

Bucky! [ He looks up from his phone, a crease of distress between his eyebrows. ] Tony's hacked Wikipedia, you oughta see the stuff it says about me.

Comments

[gotup]

Oh, yeah, let's tell the world where two of its most wanted fugitives are hiding. Great idea.

[ HUFF. Give him another couple of minutes to sulk. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ It's going to take him a few to stop giggling. ]

Eh. We can just claim political asylum- pretty sure the King has already worked on that contingency.

Plus, I'd like to see someone try to breach this fortress.

[gotup]

[ Steve makes a disgruntled face at the giggling, elbows Bucky in the side. ]

You are not gonna put a video of you pranking me on youtube. Prick.

[podchinyatsya]

[ Bucky swats at his hand.

And now he's looking Very Serious. ]

Watch your language.

[gotup]

[ Steve grabs Bucky's hand when he swats at him and doesn't let go. ]

What're you gonna do, wash my mouth out with soap? Like you have room to talk.

[podchinyatsya]

[ You don't wanna start this, Steve. Because now Bucky is going to twist his forearm around to wrench out of that grip. ]

I curse in languages no one understands. For the kids, yanno.

[gotup]

[ Nope, he's starting it. Even as Bucky pulls free of his grip, Steve hooks a leg around both of his to take him down - already prepared to break his own fall when Bucky inevitably pulls him down with him. ]

Oh, yeah, there are a ton of kids around.

[ Wanda is the only one who could be remotely considered a 'kid', and Steve's acquired an entire vocabulary of Sokovian curse words from her. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ Of course he does, but is laughing too hard to put any fight into it. ]

You didn't know the village kids spoke English?

[gotup]

In the palace, Мудак.

[ Steve just rolls his eyes. Come on, Bucky, it's not any fun if you're too busy laughing at him to fight back. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ Bucky's eyes go wide. ]

I can't believe you just called me that.

[gotup]

Where do you think I learned it from?

[ Such a terrible influence, Bucky. ]

[podchinyatsya]

Sure as hell not me.

[ Dammit, now he's starting to let them slip. ]

[gotup]

Right, yeah, must've been Natasha.

[ Except that Natasha never speaks in Russian around him. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ She knows when and where to terrify someone, Steve.

Bucky rolls over, putting some space between them. ]

Romanov... she's ah, she's single?

[gotup]

That's...really not the sort of conversation I've ever had with her.

Although she wasn't very impressed by my kissing.

[ trololol ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ He really has to work to hide that flash of disappointment-slash-jealousy before the old Bucky Barnes comes back out: ]

Most girls aren't impressed by your kissing.

[ Aaaaaand he's bracing for a punch. ]

[gotup]

Most girls don't even let me get that far.

[ And yet, Natasha did? IT IS A MYSTERY that he's not sharing with Bucky right now. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ She took pity on him, that's what Bucky is telling himself. ]

Gotta shower once in a while, pal. Chicks don't go for eau de World War.

[gotup]

I'm not gonna take hygiene advice from a guy who used to splash on so much aftershave that they could smell it in the next borough. Your girlfriends all had to plug up their noses before they could lean in to kiss you.

[ SHRUG ]

[podchinyatsya]

'Least I'm a good kisser.

[ (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ]

[gotup]

Hate to break it to you, pal, but those girls weren't exactly picky about who they kissed.

[ Steve, you are leaving yourself wide open here. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ Ohhh, Stevie. ]

Says the guy who weighed maybe a buck-oh-five soaking wet and couldn't lift a chair.

[gotup]

I could lift a chair! I just had to sit down for awhile afterwards to catch my breath.

[ Never let it be said Steve doesn't have a sense of humor about himself. He learned at a young age that when everyone else made fun of him, the only thing he could really do was accept it - because he already got beat up enough as it was. Later on, self-deprecation became more of a defense mechanism, and it's a habit he's never quite managed to shed. ]

[podchinyatsya]

That repetitive wheezing really gets the ladies going.

[ He cocks an eyebrow, jabbing his elbow out. ]

[gotup]

You know it. Every gal wanted to make it with a fella who sounded like a broken accordion.

[ Which would've happened if he'd ever had the chance to get hot and heavy, too. Hell, it happened more than once when he got hot and heavy with himself. ]