for podchinyatsya

[gotup]

[ Steve doesn't make a habit of things like Googling himself (which sounds dirty, honestly) or checking his Wikipedia page. After all, he already knows about himself; he doesn't need to check up on the facts.

Except then one day, Sam asks him about the Yankees. And he knows Sam's aware that he doesn't like the Yankees; they've watched enough baseball together (even though Sam's a Mets fan). He gives Sam a funny look, and the other man laughs and shakes his head.

The next day, Wanda asks him why he always says he's just a kid from Brooklyn. He's obviously from Queens, doesn't he know that? What's the difference between the two? Is he sure he wasn't born somewhere else?

The day after that, T'Challa, of all people, asks him if it's true that his tears can be used to summon bald eagles. 'One of the Dora Milaje read it online,' is his excuse, but Steve's pretty sure he's just using his bodyguards as convenient scapegoats to save face.

He grabs his phone and types a search 'steve rogers tears bald eagles' and the first result (after about twenty shitty Photoshops) is Wikipedia.

Wikipedia! He'd taken the site's information as gospel truth, and so his first assumption is that someone must have hacked it. And, of course, there's only one person with the technological know-how to do that. ]

Bucky! [ He looks up from his phone, a crease of distress between his eyebrows. ] Tony's hacked Wikipedia, you oughta see the stuff it says about me.

Comments

[podchinyatsya]

Now you're on about Wilson? C'mon, buddy. Your tears just call them, not start conversations.

[ He sees through you, Steve. The obfuscating shit and the self-crisis shit. ]

You wanna get bummed out or have an existential moment, at least let me put some bourbon in this coffee first.

[gotup]

Sam doesn't-

[ No, he's not even arguing about Sam again. Bucky seems to have some sort of weird stick up his ass about him. ]

I don't cry.

[ He folds his arms over his chest stubbornly. It had been a mark of pride for him, back in the day - as sickly as he was, as incapable of winning a fight, he never gave in and let the pain show. It was the only way he'd known to be a real man. And then, it had just stuck with him. ]

What would the eagles even do, anyway? Stark's so full of shit.

[podchinyatsya]

[ Bucky actually smacks Steve upside his head. STOP BEING AN IDIOT STEVE ]

Steve.

[gotup]

What?

[ He knows that it's a slap to stop being an idiot - he's fluent in Bucky, after all - but isn't sure what he's being an idiot about. ]

You don't have to hit me anymore, Bucky. Jeez.

[podchinyatsya]

Wanna drop the macho crap?

[ his prank is starting to backfire. Maybe he should own up to it. ]

[gotup]

You still aren't gonna get me to admit I'm a Yankees fan.

[ The only tears he's shed for the last eighty years were over the Dodgers. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ SAME, BRO ]

Fair enough...

[ He finishes his coffee with a large gulp. Mmm, caffeine. ]

I'm still tellin' people you're from Queens, though.

[ :D! ]

[gotup]

[ Hold on...hold on...you can practically see the gears in Steve's head working. ]

You son of a bitch!

[ Though he's scowling, the punch he delivers to Bucky's good shoulder is still (relatively) light. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ Bucky yelps, more out of surprise than anything, but then starts laughing. Hard. ]

Ow! Ha ha, language, Captain America! Ha ha, what would the children think?

[ He can barely speak through the laughter, but leans up to put his mug down. ]

To think their hero is from Queens!!!

[gotup]

[ He throws another indignant punch, mostly because he's a little annoyed at how hard Bucky's laughing.

Asshole. ]

Yeah, yeah, you've always been a little shit, Bucky. Real hysterical.

[podchinyatsya]

[ He holds his shoulder, still cackling so hard he's crying. ]

The look on your face! Priceless! God I hope they record this place, because I'd put it on youtube!

[gotup]

Oh, yeah, let's tell the world where two of its most wanted fugitives are hiding. Great idea.

[ HUFF. Give him another couple of minutes to sulk. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ It's going to take him a few to stop giggling. ]

Eh. We can just claim political asylum- pretty sure the King has already worked on that contingency.

Plus, I'd like to see someone try to breach this fortress.

[gotup]

[ Steve makes a disgruntled face at the giggling, elbows Bucky in the side. ]

You are not gonna put a video of you pranking me on youtube. Prick.

[podchinyatsya]

[ Bucky swats at his hand.

And now he's looking Very Serious. ]

Watch your language.

[gotup]

[ Steve grabs Bucky's hand when he swats at him and doesn't let go. ]

What're you gonna do, wash my mouth out with soap? Like you have room to talk.

[podchinyatsya]

[ You don't wanna start this, Steve. Because now Bucky is going to twist his forearm around to wrench out of that grip. ]

I curse in languages no one understands. For the kids, yanno.

[gotup]

[ Nope, he's starting it. Even as Bucky pulls free of his grip, Steve hooks a leg around both of his to take him down - already prepared to break his own fall when Bucky inevitably pulls him down with him. ]

Oh, yeah, there are a ton of kids around.

[ Wanda is the only one who could be remotely considered a 'kid', and Steve's acquired an entire vocabulary of Sokovian curse words from her. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ Of course he does, but is laughing too hard to put any fight into it. ]

You didn't know the village kids spoke English?

[gotup]

In the palace, Мудак.

[ Steve just rolls his eyes. Come on, Bucky, it's not any fun if you're too busy laughing at him to fight back. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ Bucky's eyes go wide. ]

I can't believe you just called me that.

[gotup]

Where do you think I learned it from?

[ Such a terrible influence, Bucky. ]

[podchinyatsya]

Sure as hell not me.

[ Dammit, now he's starting to let them slip. ]

[gotup]

Right, yeah, must've been Natasha.

[ Except that Natasha never speaks in Russian around him. ]

[podchinyatsya]

[ She knows when and where to terrify someone, Steve.

Bucky rolls over, putting some space between them. ]

Romanov... she's ah, she's single?